The last two weeks have been very interesting... I find that the more I sit back and watch others from a distance the more universal truths are revealed. I'm not sure if this is because of all the meditating that I have been doing in this time period or it's the rededicating myself to astrology teachings that is the source of this. I'm feeling at odds with the world at the moment; that the things that I want and value for myself are not what the world wants me to be or have. I do not do what this world wants me to do or what others want me to do; I follow higher laws than that of man... I guess this means that I am doing something right!
Not only that I am feeling at odds with the people whom I care deeply about. Recent friend interactions have left me with a sense of feeling like an inconvenience; or that I'm not as important to them as they lead me to believe. One in particular has made me feel like our friendship only exists on their terms which is socially in groups or restricted to an intellectual basis. Looking at this friendship has shown me that most of our interactions are shallow at best masked in superficial concern and care. Because of my need to be accepted by my peers for the person that I am I cling and consider acquaintances as actual friends. Even though I have been "friends" with these people for years it is clear now that none of them get me or pay attention to knowing me so I shouldn't feel upset when they completely disregard my emotions and or feelings for the sake of fun. Now that I happen to be seeing these "red flags" I am filled with an apprehension to want to open up and relate to them as fully as I have been. Even my close friends treat me this way which is no wonder why my husband Jeff tells me that my friends suck and that I need to find better ones.
In all honesty I do not even know if I want to be bothered with meeting people... from what I have seen and heard people are more messed up then they usually are. there is no holding oneself accountable for their actions, people would rather hurt others than allow them self to be hurt, they would rather blame others for their mistakes instead of learning from them, and no one pays any attention to anyone unless they are yelling. Jeff always tells me that people suck and if given the chance they will still suck cause they do not know any better. unfortunately I do know better and this type of behavior is unacceptable. I doubt that I am the only one that sees this and is disgusted by it.
This is the energy of Aquarius messing with me; making me realize how lost and alone I feel within my social interactions. Bringing up my past childhood fears and anxieties so that I can confront them. Yes it is making me feel more intellectually unstable but its also making me painfully aware of how much creative spirit i have coming from all of my past childhood traumas. I am just grateful that I have worked out most of my issues from childhood or else this energy would be more destructive.
Posts
