Heartbreaks hurt...

I dislike my heart being broken by my friends... It's too painful and in the last 2 days major heartaches have caused me to face my fear of being an after thought and /or being forgotten about by the people that I care about. It reminds me of childhood and the invisible scars that I carry with me as an adult. I survived my childhood ill survive this... There has only been 1 person/friend/family in this whole entire planet that can get me to care to the point of anger... guess that person is someone that i care about greatly to where i dare say that i love them and didn't realize it. Funny how life works that way...

Yes i was hurt in a way that shouldn't have bothered me but it did. People i seem to be noticing are flaking more and more as the days go by... i can handle being flaked upon but having to wait 24 hours to find out what happened to my friend only to find out they were sick and didn't even bother to tell me? that is something that I do not deal with well. Especially when i'm sitting here thinking that there was a car accident, possibly forgetting that you made plans with me, or that you simply didn't care enough to let me know that you changed your mind which was the right choice. So after the tears finished running down at the fact that my longest friend blew me off, a day to remind them they forgot me which wasn't such a big deal in their head. then they waited 8 days to actually tell me what happened why they didn't realize that they needed to tell me what was going on and that i was the one to over-react. Through all of this they still do not realize how much they hurt me. Then another friend did the exact same thing the next day... at least they realized that they forgot me an hour after the fact which didn't cause an "over-reaction" on my part.

 

I really thought that people were better at understanding that their actions have consequences; that their words carry meaning and whether or not you mean to hurt someone doesn't mean anything if you end up hurting them. I understand that people are loosing their ability to communicate with others and expressing their feelings but come on, on some level they must know that their actions aren't right. Maybe I'm ahead of the curve here but if i say that I'm going to do something i do it. if i cannot then i say so. I do not make excuses for myself or my actions and i hold myself accountable. That is the main problem with people now a days... no one holds themselves accountable and would rather blame others for their mistakes. My heart is in alot of pain and it was definitely stressed during this whole ordeal. I wish that I didn't have to care as much about people... cause it's hard accepting that they do not care about me.