Life Lessons... Learned the Hard Way

Usually when the world turns its back on me I quietly reflect in my Cynnefull Gardens... today, I opted to visit my sister Kristin and play with my 1 month old niece Keela. She lives by the beach and I thought that maybe if I played with an innocent it would make me feel better. It did. When you are around kids they do not lie to you, use you or deceive you in any way. All they want is love, attention and affection. Babies do not pretend to like you; they either do or don't. You are not searching for their hidden intentions or having to have your guard up constantly. Babies see you for you, accept you weather you have money or not. They look into your heart, and soul to see who you are...


I am learning a very huge life lesson right now, people [keeping the names out of this for blog's sake] do not care about you. Only YOU care about YOU! Others pretend to care when it suits them; when they find out that you have nothing to offer them magically they dissapear. Up until about 3 weeks ago I realized that human beings are leaning more towards the side of selfish than selfless. Now that the economy is going into a reccession, everyone is out for themselves; any charitable or humanistic understanding of this global recession has fallen on deaf ears making way for the "I gotta get mine before you get yours" mentality to spread like wildfire.


Everyday more and more people are losing their jobs, their homes, their families cause there isn't enough money in their employer's bank account to go around. All the business people care about is "where's the money you owe me!?!" Where are the jobs at so that I can get hired and you can get paid? Oh yeah, that's right California is at a all time high with unemployment... none of that matters to the people who are screaming for their money. They just want their money. Does anyone else understand that it is bad for everyone everywhere? We are all suffering, money is just one of the many issues at hand that is perpetuating the cycle of selfishness even more.


I subscribe to the fact that we all are spiritual beings in search of a humanistic experience; not the other way around. So it is hard for me to be surrounded by all of this ugliness for no other reason than people wanting their money.

True Nature

My world has turned upside down,
The people that I knew to be good aren't.
Now that I have no money,
Their true nature has shown through.
It's funny how people only care when when you have something they want.
Or that you are paying them to care...
But when you honestly ask for help
Because you do not know what to do
All they can say is "sorry, but you still owe me $$$"
They do not care that they are taking all of the money you have.
Not understanding what their ripple is causing.
It's all about getting theirs...
No matter what the cost.
Business is business...
Now that I have nothing monetary,
No one stuck around.
No one is understanding...
Cause the hardest lesson of all is that they never cared.
Since there is nothing to use me for I am expendable and cast aside.
All they wanted was my money first and foremost.
I was too naive to understand that till now.
Trusted too easily in the people that I respected.
That they would be fair given this economic struggle...
But business has no humanistic tendencies
And a person who is spiritual shouldn't have selfishness
I fell into the trap of trusting a Spiritual businessman;
Who's first and foremost reaction is to get his money
No matter what the cost to the person he's getting it from.

© 2009 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Coming Soon to Cynnefull Gardens...

Cynnefull Garden Knits & Crochets!

Already in the works is my ravelry profile that has some of my finished works (it isn't much right now but it will be!)... currently I am working on adding progress bars and my finished works to my blogger sidebar. The simple progress bar on the side is only the beginning. In the future I plan to have pictures, yarns added and maybe even the start date. Eventually I will write patterns and place them here in the Cynnefull Gardens blog... just not yet.

Don't worry... I am not changing this blog to strictly yarn crafts; I want to expand my blog to cover all of the creative things that I do within my garden. You will still be able to find my artwork and poetry; now you'll be able to find knits & crochets as well!

In the Beggining

I didn’t understand how important it was to be a Village Fighter
Didn’t comprehend how much different this style of fighting is
Had no idea of what I was getting myself into;
How hard I would have to work
That my body would become bruised and battered;
Sore and stiff
Being overloaded with electrical signals of pain and agony
Shooting strait up to my brain traveling at the speed of light

I didn’t know any of these people that took this class
Surrounded by strangers;
Looking at their sashes to see who had a black one.
Not getting exactly what it meant.
That they have already endured what I am just beginning to understand
Persevered against everything that has been thrown at them and survived
How much time, effort and long hours of practicing
Not realizing all of the trauma, pressure and stress they have undergone

I couldn’t understand why there were more women than men
Or how I was ever going to re-train my body to put weight in my heels;
Not on the balls of my feet like dance has taught me.
That at times this system will drive you crazy;
That it is one of the hardest systems to learn…
Didn’t understand how encompassing The Art of Village Fighting is
How lucky I am to have Sifu Gates as my teacher
Didn’t dream that I would be able to move the bags

I didn’t know that I had to empty my cup to make room for Kung-fu
That I would get into arguments over keeping my right to go to kung-fu
Didn’t know that the studio would become my therapy sessions
That it would help me deal with life itself…
All I knew was that this was what I had been looking for
Understood that this martial arts would give me the discipline that I needed within my life
That it would give me balance in this unbalanced world
Accepting Village Fighting as part of my life;
Facilitating me to outshine where I have gone a rye in life

©2008 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Practice Makes Perfect

My body may have many black and blue marks.
Hurt to touch in numerous areas;
Definitely some stiffness the next morning…
Never tears falling down my face from the horrific trails of class.
Feeling the soreness the my body has endured the night before
Remembering when I felt the onset of the bruise…
Going over inside my head if I moved too slow to properly block that kick
Grimacing in pain as I realize that the lactic acid is within my muscles
My body is screaming at me to stop all of this pain
My mind refuses to listen.
Ignoring all of the pain receptors trying to tell it otherwise,
I slowly breathe in and hold it for a moment.
Closing my eyes and reliving the previous night.
Exhaling to meditate the pain away
Chanting the mantra, “pain is only weakness leaving the body.”
Knowing that this kind of training only makes me stronger;
A more capable person when it comes to village fighting.
When it comes to life itself…
Smiling to myself because tonight I will go back to kung-fu again
Despite all of the protests my body is assembling.
Not wanting to take the pain to my threshold;
Panicking over if my skills have improved from the last night
Grasping that I am giving everything within me to be knowledgeable about my curriculum;
To get knocked down to the floor and do it over again
And again till I get the feel of the motion.
That it becomes second nature,
Pounding and slamming onto the mat.
Uncovering the hidden lessons embedded deep within the techniques given.
Recognizing that the pain has a purpose;
Letting me know that I am getting stronger each time that I practice
That this pain is necessary in my learning process of kung-fu
To strike and be struck;
Taking in how devastating the technique can be.
Experiencing what it means to be on the warrior’s path;
Welcoming back the exquisite pain that I know so well…
Letting you know that you’re on the right path.
Forging you to be the warrior,
To fight through all of the fatigue and push past the wall
So that I can be more than what I already am;
Complete

©2008 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Hope Reigns Over All Today...

Today, is a day that will live in history as the day that an African American assumed the United States Presidency. As I watched the Presidential Inauguration, I couldn't help but notice just how many people showed up in zero degree weather to catch a glimpse of Obama and his family. KTLA channel 5 zoomed in on the crowds of people... they were crying, smiling and I could tell that they were filled with hope in a time that looked dismal. I was overcome with internal feelings of assurance and overwhelmed by the fact that I got to witness something that African Americans were told would never happen!

This being that day after Martin Luther King Jr. day just makes it even more special then it already is. I was shown today that the human spirit can overcome anything if given enough will and desire behind it. Obama has so much love and compassion within him that it just spills out of him in spades and America can see it. The upliftment of hope can do wonders for everyone... and it is this hope that is a human beings' greatest gift of strength and yet it is looked upon unfavorably by most of the younger generations born after 1985. It brought tears to my eyes, heart, spirit and soul to see Hope alive within the human spirit again.

On a personal note, This is something that I never thought would ever happen. Period. Due to all of the negativity, lower- based emotions, and racial opposition that is still present in this world, a black president was out of the question. We as Americans have come so far in the last 60 years: overcoming segregation, learning to co-exist with people of different races, equal rights for everyone, now having Barrack Obama as our president... I wish my father were alive to see it!

On my Myspace blog I wrote this as well about today...

Today was a day that I will not forget...the day that America welcomed a black president with open arms! There were over 2 million people freezing their asses off just to see a glimpse of Barrack on the parade route. Amazingly enough, there were no riots or arrests made while Obama was being sworn in! We truly have come full circle!

America came together; Martin Luther King Jr's Dream came to fruition, and we now have a president who is for the people and elected by the people to make the hard decisions. To help Americans up from their great fall to become the America that we used to be- where the American dream still means something! This was a day that people of all colors, races, sexual preferences put aside all of their many differences to become ONE. Where a nation divided between rich and poor overcame their greed and celebrated with one another. Wealthy, powerful and prosperous ones are now being held accountable just like everyone else. I can't help but feel the air of excitement as a much needed change is about to sweep over America and the world for that matter.

Americans have found their HOPE again and it is a wonderful feeling to know that someone sees the problems on this place and is willing to take the time to correct it before it can get worse. I am not putting all of my eggs in one basket; just hopeful that Barrack Obama will do his up most to fix the things that he can. Ultimately, it starts within each and every one of us to fix ourselves.
Being told that there was never going to be a black president in my life time solidified the fact that people still couldn't get past the color of one's skin tone. Now... today... I witnessed the impossible and it has given me my hope back for humanity. That black parents do not have to keep looking their kids in the eyes and telling them that they can be anything they want to be knowing in their heart that it only applies if you are Caucasian.

The comradery the my fellow mankind demonstrated today has not been seen in a very long while and for once we are now equal. If my father, grandmother, and my grandfather were alive they would be crying right there next to me remembering the struggles that they had to go through just to have the right to exist... The fact that Barrack got out of the car not once but twice, against the secret service advise, taking the time to smile, wave, and look a single person in the eye and interact with them to everyone that he saw.... took my breath away.
This was the most people that have ever come to see the swearing in of a president- EVER! Today I was honored to be an American; knowing that the country was left in good hands...

Purely Cynnefull Designs w/ Descriptions...

By popular demand I am now adding a description of how I created/ concept behind each of my Purely Cynnefull Designs™ artwork creations!

Previously, I have added them within the comments when another person leaves a message, but now I will take the time to go back into my design blogs to give you the full lowdown about them!

This is really something that I am truly excited about! Hope this gives you insight not only into my artwork but into myself as well.

Enjoy!