It seems that since I decided to follow my heart and hobbies to the fullest I am being rewarded through the SECRET. In my life philosophy, when you are on the right path in your journey of life you receive road signs telling you that you are going in the right direction. At these road signs I stop, pause and reflect on where I have come from to get to this new point in my life. I re-assess my life and mentally look through the pages to see what lead me here to this specific point in my life and contemplate on how just one little , tiny , insignificant decision can change the rest of your life from that moment on. That one bad choice or decision can set you back so far in you life that you barely remember the kind of potential you have to share with the world. Understanding that I am on the path that I am on even if I make a bad choice it is still heading in the right direction because it is the physical step I took that is recorded in the Ultimate Book of Deeds. Am intuitive enough to gleam that it is blessing in disguise. Like Eva said, " you can't have a testimony with a test."
My life has gone through a lot of adversity and I have overcome it with my childlike innocence fully intact. My past makes me stronger; not quite sure how strong I need to be in God's eyes but I'm glad for the responsibility to bear it. My 27th birthday marked the dawn of a new era for me as myself: the character that I was meant to be in the great role of life. I have stopped running from myself; from the hurt, the pain of love lost in it's most innocent state. From the rage inside of me from what the pain left behind when it wasn't allowed audible expression. I made amends with my past selves; I had wronged them by leaving them alone in the dark to fester while I had to pretend to be perfect. I always self sacrificed for other than for myself even if it kills me health wise. When that happens I know that it is time for me to finally choose myself. Here is my best example of this:
My brother told the smartest 2 things that anyone could have said to me to make me strong enough to do what I had to do. He asked me inquisitively, "do you like being abused, yelled at or belittled?"
-,"No"
-"Then change it. If you stay, that means that you like it and I do not feel sorry for you...."
I didn't like the situation I was in back then. Didn't like it at all and I realized that It was time to get out of this abusive relationship. I left *Eric* (name not real changed to protect person involved)with the help of the local sheriff on a June 29th, 2 of my best friends birthdays. That next day I looked at myself in the mirror and my inner voice said, " How does it feel knowing that today is the first day of the rest of your life?" Tears were flowing down my face, while there was a huge smile on my face...
Today was another one of those days... at the end of class I went to my teacher and showed him the list of things in the courses that I was going to skip over due to being a transfer student. He took the list and went home to see what handouts, books and any other resource he could give to me to make my hobby become the real thing.
He explained that I have a lot of natural talent when it comes to my pictures. That I have an eye for blending colors and for putting together color schemes; that they all share some type of story and convey some type of emotion. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I just do the creations when my insomnia takes a hold of me. That my artwork could be considered Fine Art and could possibly make a living selling them! (To all of the people who thought that my hobbies wouldn't lead me anywhere and told me that I needed to pay more attention to having a job than to follow my heart and make my hobby my career... I did it despite what you thought.) He also told me to meet the photoshop teacher and show him my notebook portfolio... so I did.
He was a little less receptive to me but I went for it anyways and won him over in the end. My natural raw talent was there, but it wasn't structured or focused and not industry standard. He asked me if they were created with photoshop and I said no; that I couldn't afford the program. He recommended Lynda.com and take the tutorials and see just how much more I could do that I originally thought. Then out of the blue on of his students tells me that she'll bring in her copy and I could use hers to learn on. (Photoshop has been a dream of mine ever since I could take pictures and manipulate them. for me to be able to work on one was the equivalent of having Santa Claus answer my prayers! ) It touched him that I wanted to pursue my passion; that was the way he first started out. Next thing I know he said that he would show me how to use it after my class till I learn it.
This is so amazing to me! It was these series of events that reconfirmed my philosophy on life... that finally I realized where my energy is best suited: in school learning how to turn my degree into a career that focuses on my passionate hobby of graphics art design.
My life has gone through a lot of adversity and I have overcome it with my childlike innocence fully intact. My past makes me stronger; not quite sure how strong I need to be in God's eyes but I'm glad for the responsibility to bear it. My 27th birthday marked the dawn of a new era for me as myself: the character that I was meant to be in the great role of life. I have stopped running from myself; from the hurt, the pain of love lost in it's most innocent state. From the rage inside of me from what the pain left behind when it wasn't allowed audible expression. I made amends with my past selves; I had wronged them by leaving them alone in the dark to fester while I had to pretend to be perfect. I always self sacrificed for other than for myself even if it kills me health wise. When that happens I know that it is time for me to finally choose myself. Here is my best example of this:
My brother told the smartest 2 things that anyone could have said to me to make me strong enough to do what I had to do. He asked me inquisitively, "do you like being abused, yelled at or belittled?"
-,"No"
-"Then change it. If you stay, that means that you like it and I do not feel sorry for you...."
I didn't like the situation I was in back then. Didn't like it at all and I realized that It was time to get out of this abusive relationship. I left *Eric* (name not real changed to protect person involved)with the help of the local sheriff on a June 29th, 2 of my best friends birthdays. That next day I looked at myself in the mirror and my inner voice said, " How does it feel knowing that today is the first day of the rest of your life?" Tears were flowing down my face, while there was a huge smile on my face...
Today was another one of those days... at the end of class I went to my teacher and showed him the list of things in the courses that I was going to skip over due to being a transfer student. He took the list and went home to see what handouts, books and any other resource he could give to me to make my hobby become the real thing.
He explained that I have a lot of natural talent when it comes to my pictures. That I have an eye for blending colors and for putting together color schemes; that they all share some type of story and convey some type of emotion. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I just do the creations when my insomnia takes a hold of me. That my artwork could be considered Fine Art and could possibly make a living selling them! (To all of the people who thought that my hobbies wouldn't lead me anywhere and told me that I needed to pay more attention to having a job than to follow my heart and make my hobby my career... I did it despite what you thought.) He also told me to meet the photoshop teacher and show him my notebook portfolio... so I did.
He was a little less receptive to me but I went for it anyways and won him over in the end. My natural raw talent was there, but it wasn't structured or focused and not industry standard. He asked me if they were created with photoshop and I said no; that I couldn't afford the program. He recommended Lynda.com and take the tutorials and see just how much more I could do that I originally thought. Then out of the blue on of his students tells me that she'll bring in her copy and I could use hers to learn on. (Photoshop has been a dream of mine ever since I could take pictures and manipulate them. for me to be able to work on one was the equivalent of having Santa Claus answer my prayers! ) It touched him that I wanted to pursue my passion; that was the way he first started out. Next thing I know he said that he would show me how to use it after my class till I learn it.
This is so amazing to me! It was these series of events that reconfirmed my philosophy on life... that finally I realized where my energy is best suited: in school learning how to turn my degree into a career that focuses on my passionate hobby of graphics art design.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment