This Too Shall Pass...

There are some types of pain that cannot be put into words... pain that has been imprinted on you and ingrained in you for so long that all you can do is make guttural sounds to express yourself accurately. So many things that I wish I could express about my past that have happened to me but words cannot convey them; nor describe them. These types of pain can only be felt and absorbed bypassing words altogether.

Pain is something that I know very well; emotionally. Mentally I have gone through it as well; psychical pain was the easiest to deal with... those scars disappear over time. The other 2 do not disappear with time as usual scars do; they linger never really going away. they just heal when they are good and ready to. Or so I thought; that was I was told anyways... everything that goes on around you is a constant reminder that the pain is now a part of you; it has become you. It can be managed; but it never truly heals.

How does one tell someone who hasn't had that type of experience with pain? who went through shit that you didn't go through & express how you feel when they have no point of reference? When you try to tell them "your" experience and all they do is turn the conversation onto themselves and their pain. It isn't about them or their pain; you not asking for them to talk... you are asking for them to listen without opening their mouths. but sometimes people do not understand that there is a time and place to share your experiences and there is also a time to just listen. I needed someone to listen to me; not as a shrink but as a friend. Someone who would understand just enough to give assurance; not to be selfish enough to compare their pain with me. normally, that is what you do in that situation; you share to become closer and to create a stronger bond. not in this case..." I just needed someone to talk to you were just too busy with yourself-"

So if it was a "cry for help" as you put it you weren't listening anyways because you got mad at me and turned hostile telling me "not to send those types of messages out there unless you are willing to talk about it!." How can I talk about such things if you won't respect me enough to let me tell you in my own time; that the things that I am going through are such that it takes me a while to put the things in perspective to be explained. that there are certain things that I can discuss and was discussing with you till you turned defensive towards me and tried to force me to reveal everything to you... that isn't right and that isn't what friends do to one another. Yet she is mad at me for not opening up completely when I asked her not to ask me about it and she did anyways. Cuz it wasn't enough for her to let me convey my sentiments and tell her that I would explain things to her fully at a later date. when she is going through something I wait for her to tell me and if she doesn't I do not press; she did not extend the same courtesy to me it seems...