Birthday Reflections for This Year

According to my astrological solar return my closest time to my actual time of birth astrologically was yesterday, May 20th around 7:27pm. So it wasn't any coincidence that Jeff took matters into his own hands and celebrated my birthday a day early. May 20th happened to be my solar return and Jeff without realizing it fell prey to astrology! Jeff said that he "felt it was the right thing to do because he wanted to truly surprise me to gauge my true reactions to his gifts." Muttering that he also wanted me to have a good day before my birthday to ensure a good experience of my birthday. He is always thinking of me like that...<3 May 20th-The day felt different after he gave me my "gifts"... like I had just opened my eyes for the first time and was really seeing everything the way it should be.My whole way of thinking about life and how I have experienced it has changed for me greatly. Jeff doesn't surprise me; he doesn't like surprises himself and if he has something planned for me he can't keep from telling me what it is! As a Virgo he really doesn't like to be spontaneous; rather he will go with the flow. So my head was swirling around the idea that my perceptions had begun to change... hopeful they changed for the better! Turns out they did! It seemed that I had reached my life long goals: learn to love, to love myself soo much that it poured out to love others. To be loved for who I am unselfishly and unconditionally. After a deep conversation with Jeff it slipped out that I don't have to keep proving that I love him and that I am already his Queen. That I have his approval that I love him better than he lets most people and that now its time to focus somewhere else. At the time I didn't realize just how much hearing those words would cause my whole world to expand... it was like he took the biggest burden off of my heart and soul by telling me how he really felt about me from deep within his soul. The words changed me and my thoughts literally went to other things that never even begin to cross my mind: like growing my nails out to look more feminine, to wearing shoes that have heels, to being more sensual, taking any kind of pleasure out of everything, work, reoccurring income, responsibility, and children! Since I have been taking care of Keela I have come to understand at least to some degree that I want children. Turns out Jeff wants kids with me; just not yet because we don't have a house or enough income for it at the moment. [That isn't fair to the child if we bring them here with nothing to support them on financially; that's irresponsible] He cooked all of my meals; waited on me hand and foot... not cause I asked him to but because he chose to wait on me. Jeff showed me just how much he loves my by his actions towards me and it gave me a huge kind of confidence that I have not felt for a long while. It was the kind of confidence when you know that someone has your back; if you fall down or stumble someone will be there to pick you back up. Jeff isn't my father but he is a male that gave me approval and provided the closure that I needed from my father so my burden of grief has been significantly lightened! It was like he acknowledged that I'm not perfect but I am as perfect as I am ever going to be as me! That i make mistakes and have flaws but he still loves me and enjoys providing for me. Jeff takes care of my every need; most of my wants and rarely my desires because he wants to. He enjoys making me happy... the feeling he gets when I look at him and smile in a genuine ear to ear grin of appreciation and do my happy dance is what he lives for! He has an over predatory-like need to protect me at all times and rarely leaves my side for longer than he has to. I am Jeff's world and have earned his respect and deserve all of the chivalry that he gives to me through his acts of love. I do not manipulate him or force him to do things for me; he found out how much the power of love can heal and transform you into a better person. We transformed each other and our relationship keeps getting better everyday! Why is this blog about Jeff so far and not about my bday reflections you wonder? Jeff is the reason that I grew into the person I am as of today! If it wasn't for his love and nurturing affect that he had on me my goals would be still heartfelt wishes. I wouldn't be able to think about the future with him; instead I would have been stuck in a traumatic past that wouldn't be let go of. Due to his love and trust of me I am know able to pursue more practical things within my life that will lead me onto the road that is my path to take. To be the person that I am suppose to be... that's starts this year! May 21st-
I woke up at 6:55am and waited for 3 mins till it was my birthday and sang happy birthday to me then went back to sleep. My sister Kristin called to wish me a happy bday and put Keela on the phone to listen to me explain that its Auntie Ashlee's birthday and she was all wide-eyed and attentive to my words. Then Ashley called and I was even happier... when Jeff and i finally woke up he greeted me with a happy birthday and a smile. Today was such a gorgeous day; not too warm and not too cold. IT was a perfect day and it felt perfect just like it was suppose to be... people weren't upset today and the world felt right on track for once. Even Max, an ex of mine, wished me a happy birthday...

All and all it was a good birthday experience all because of Jeff and his gut instincts...