Life Lessons... Learned the Hard Way

Usually when the world turns its back on me I quietly reflect in my Cynnefull Gardens... today, I opted to visit my sister Kristin and play with my 1 month old niece Keela. She lives by the beach and I thought that maybe if I played with an innocent it would make me feel better. It did. When you are around kids they do not lie to you, use you or deceive you in any way. All they want is love, attention and affection. Babies do not pretend to like you; they either do or don't. You are not searching for their hidden intentions or having to have your guard up constantly. Babies see you for you, accept you weather you have money or not. They look into your heart, and soul to see who you are...


I am learning a very huge life lesson right now, people [keeping the names out of this for blog's sake] do not care about you. Only YOU care about YOU! Others pretend to care when it suits them; when they find out that you have nothing to offer them magically they dissapear. Up until about 3 weeks ago I realized that human beings are leaning more towards the side of selfish than selfless. Now that the economy is going into a reccession, everyone is out for themselves; any charitable or humanistic understanding of this global recession has fallen on deaf ears making way for the "I gotta get mine before you get yours" mentality to spread like wildfire.


Everyday more and more people are losing their jobs, their homes, their families cause there isn't enough money in their employer's bank account to go around. All the business people care about is "where's the money you owe me!?!" Where are the jobs at so that I can get hired and you can get paid? Oh yeah, that's right California is at a all time high with unemployment... none of that matters to the people who are screaming for their money. They just want their money. Does anyone else understand that it is bad for everyone everywhere? We are all suffering, money is just one of the many issues at hand that is perpetuating the cycle of selfishness even more.


I subscribe to the fact that we all are spiritual beings in search of a humanistic experience; not the other way around. So it is hard for me to be surrounded by all of this ugliness for no other reason than people wanting their money.

True Nature

My world has turned upside down,
The people that I knew to be good aren't.
Now that I have no money,
Their true nature has shown through.
It's funny how people only care when when you have something they want.
Or that you are paying them to care...
But when you honestly ask for help
Because you do not know what to do
All they can say is "sorry, but you still owe me $$$"
They do not care that they are taking all of the money you have.
Not understanding what their ripple is causing.
It's all about getting theirs...
No matter what the cost.
Business is business...
Now that I have nothing monetary,
No one stuck around.
No one is understanding...
Cause the hardest lesson of all is that they never cared.
Since there is nothing to use me for I am expendable and cast aside.
All they wanted was my money first and foremost.
I was too naive to understand that till now.
Trusted too easily in the people that I respected.
That they would be fair given this economic struggle...
But business has no humanistic tendencies
And a person who is spiritual shouldn't have selfishness
I fell into the trap of trusting a Spiritual businessman;
Who's first and foremost reaction is to get his money
No matter what the cost to the person he's getting it from.

© 2009 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Coming Soon to Cynnefull Gardens...

Cynnefull Garden Knits & Crochets!

Already in the works is my ravelry profile that has some of my finished works (it isn't much right now but it will be!)... currently I am working on adding progress bars and my finished works to my blogger sidebar. The simple progress bar on the side is only the beginning. In the future I plan to have pictures, yarns added and maybe even the start date. Eventually I will write patterns and place them here in the Cynnefull Gardens blog... just not yet.

Don't worry... I am not changing this blog to strictly yarn crafts; I want to expand my blog to cover all of the creative things that I do within my garden. You will still be able to find my artwork and poetry; now you'll be able to find knits & crochets as well!

In the Beggining

I didn’t understand how important it was to be a Village Fighter
Didn’t comprehend how much different this style of fighting is
Had no idea of what I was getting myself into;
How hard I would have to work
That my body would become bruised and battered;
Sore and stiff
Being overloaded with electrical signals of pain and agony
Shooting strait up to my brain traveling at the speed of light

I didn’t know any of these people that took this class
Surrounded by strangers;
Looking at their sashes to see who had a black one.
Not getting exactly what it meant.
That they have already endured what I am just beginning to understand
Persevered against everything that has been thrown at them and survived
How much time, effort and long hours of practicing
Not realizing all of the trauma, pressure and stress they have undergone

I couldn’t understand why there were more women than men
Or how I was ever going to re-train my body to put weight in my heels;
Not on the balls of my feet like dance has taught me.
That at times this system will drive you crazy;
That it is one of the hardest systems to learn…
Didn’t understand how encompassing The Art of Village Fighting is
How lucky I am to have Sifu Gates as my teacher
Didn’t dream that I would be able to move the bags

I didn’t know that I had to empty my cup to make room for Kung-fu
That I would get into arguments over keeping my right to go to kung-fu
Didn’t know that the studio would become my therapy sessions
That it would help me deal with life itself…
All I knew was that this was what I had been looking for
Understood that this martial arts would give me the discipline that I needed within my life
That it would give me balance in this unbalanced world
Accepting Village Fighting as part of my life;
Facilitating me to outshine where I have gone a rye in life

©2008 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Practice Makes Perfect

My body may have many black and blue marks.
Hurt to touch in numerous areas;
Definitely some stiffness the next morning…
Never tears falling down my face from the horrific trails of class.
Feeling the soreness the my body has endured the night before
Remembering when I felt the onset of the bruise…
Going over inside my head if I moved too slow to properly block that kick
Grimacing in pain as I realize that the lactic acid is within my muscles
My body is screaming at me to stop all of this pain
My mind refuses to listen.
Ignoring all of the pain receptors trying to tell it otherwise,
I slowly breathe in and hold it for a moment.
Closing my eyes and reliving the previous night.
Exhaling to meditate the pain away
Chanting the mantra, “pain is only weakness leaving the body.”
Knowing that this kind of training only makes me stronger;
A more capable person when it comes to village fighting.
When it comes to life itself…
Smiling to myself because tonight I will go back to kung-fu again
Despite all of the protests my body is assembling.
Not wanting to take the pain to my threshold;
Panicking over if my skills have improved from the last night
Grasping that I am giving everything within me to be knowledgeable about my curriculum;
To get knocked down to the floor and do it over again
And again till I get the feel of the motion.
That it becomes second nature,
Pounding and slamming onto the mat.
Uncovering the hidden lessons embedded deep within the techniques given.
Recognizing that the pain has a purpose;
Letting me know that I am getting stronger each time that I practice
That this pain is necessary in my learning process of kung-fu
To strike and be struck;
Taking in how devastating the technique can be.
Experiencing what it means to be on the warrior’s path;
Welcoming back the exquisite pain that I know so well…
Letting you know that you’re on the right path.
Forging you to be the warrior,
To fight through all of the fatigue and push past the wall
So that I can be more than what I already am;
Complete

©2008 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Hope Reigns Over All Today...

Today, is a day that will live in history as the day that an African American assumed the United States Presidency. As I watched the Presidential Inauguration, I couldn't help but notice just how many people showed up in zero degree weather to catch a glimpse of Obama and his family. KTLA channel 5 zoomed in on the crowds of people... they were crying, smiling and I could tell that they were filled with hope in a time that looked dismal. I was overcome with internal feelings of assurance and overwhelmed by the fact that I got to witness something that African Americans were told would never happen!

This being that day after Martin Luther King Jr. day just makes it even more special then it already is. I was shown today that the human spirit can overcome anything if given enough will and desire behind it. Obama has so much love and compassion within him that it just spills out of him in spades and America can see it. The upliftment of hope can do wonders for everyone... and it is this hope that is a human beings' greatest gift of strength and yet it is looked upon unfavorably by most of the younger generations born after 1985. It brought tears to my eyes, heart, spirit and soul to see Hope alive within the human spirit again.

On a personal note, This is something that I never thought would ever happen. Period. Due to all of the negativity, lower- based emotions, and racial opposition that is still present in this world, a black president was out of the question. We as Americans have come so far in the last 60 years: overcoming segregation, learning to co-exist with people of different races, equal rights for everyone, now having Barrack Obama as our president... I wish my father were alive to see it!

On my Myspace blog I wrote this as well about today...

Today was a day that I will not forget...the day that America welcomed a black president with open arms! There were over 2 million people freezing their asses off just to see a glimpse of Barrack on the parade route. Amazingly enough, there were no riots or arrests made while Obama was being sworn in! We truly have come full circle!

America came together; Martin Luther King Jr's Dream came to fruition, and we now have a president who is for the people and elected by the people to make the hard decisions. To help Americans up from their great fall to become the America that we used to be- where the American dream still means something! This was a day that people of all colors, races, sexual preferences put aside all of their many differences to become ONE. Where a nation divided between rich and poor overcame their greed and celebrated with one another. Wealthy, powerful and prosperous ones are now being held accountable just like everyone else. I can't help but feel the air of excitement as a much needed change is about to sweep over America and the world for that matter.

Americans have found their HOPE again and it is a wonderful feeling to know that someone sees the problems on this place and is willing to take the time to correct it before it can get worse. I am not putting all of my eggs in one basket; just hopeful that Barrack Obama will do his up most to fix the things that he can. Ultimately, it starts within each and every one of us to fix ourselves.
Being told that there was never going to be a black president in my life time solidified the fact that people still couldn't get past the color of one's skin tone. Now... today... I witnessed the impossible and it has given me my hope back for humanity. That black parents do not have to keep looking their kids in the eyes and telling them that they can be anything they want to be knowing in their heart that it only applies if you are Caucasian.

The comradery the my fellow mankind demonstrated today has not been seen in a very long while and for once we are now equal. If my father, grandmother, and my grandfather were alive they would be crying right there next to me remembering the struggles that they had to go through just to have the right to exist... The fact that Barrack got out of the car not once but twice, against the secret service advise, taking the time to smile, wave, and look a single person in the eye and interact with them to everyone that he saw.... took my breath away.
This was the most people that have ever come to see the swearing in of a president- EVER! Today I was honored to be an American; knowing that the country was left in good hands...

Purely Cynnefull Designs w/ Descriptions...

By popular demand I am now adding a description of how I created/ concept behind each of my Purely Cynnefull Designs™ artwork creations!

Previously, I have added them within the comments when another person leaves a message, but now I will take the time to go back into my design blogs to give you the full lowdown about them!

This is really something that I am truly excited about! Hope this gives you insight not only into my artwork but into myself as well.

Enjoy!

Purely Cynnefull Design Questions...

Many have asked me where my inspiration comes from when I create... and why I call my works Purely Cynnefull Designs.

Well... To answer your questions:

My inspiration comes from everything around me, my mood and the photos that I have taken. Usually, my creations have a central theme with a lot of imagination. Since I am a person of much depth, I need a canvas that will let me have multiple layers to get across my idea/concept of the picture. Nature is my biggest pool of reasources to choose from since there is so much to reveal. Sometimes, I just see a picture and know that I want to use it for my next piece of artwork. Other times it's a process of trial and error. Rarely, do I create a picture from my poetry; it has been known to happen.

Purely Cynnefull is a play on words. In old english cynne is pronounced "kin" making it Purely Kinfull Designs. One day it just came to me: Showcasing the two sides of a person's heart; the pure, the sinfull and the struggle inbetween. So depending on how you look and read my name you will get either one. It goes deeper into the duality of good and evil; within us, all around us and what we choose to do with that knowledge inside our hearts.

I have only uploaded the "Property of: Ashlee Lindsay" creations due to people not giving me credit for my work on their sites and passing them off as their own. There are .jpeg pictures of my artwork without the text on them; they are on my hard drive. Yes, the text is an eyesore and does take away from the artwork but it is necessary! It pains me having to show my creations in this manner, but at least this way people can't take them without my permission. I use my real name for obvious reasons over them...

Lingering Moonbeams

Lingering Moonbeams
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Moonbeams is a culmination of many images blended into the whole picture. It started out as a woman on a cloud with the moon behind her. then added the layers from there.

Lightning

Lightning
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Lightning... enough said. Added the ice to give this picture a sence of electricity.

Inspiration From Above

Inspiration From Above
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

I used zodiac pictures to get the concept of astrology and divine inspiration to create Inspiration from above.

Retreat to Cynnefull Gardens...

Each morning I open my eyes and thank God that I am a good person; that my heart is open and empathetic, not sympathetic towards others. That I do not go out of my way to make the people around me miserable, hurt or worse. Making room for the people in my life even if there isn't much space...cause I care that much.

The cold harshness of reality has once more stained my inner core just like the heat wave in winter... People all around me are loosing their hope, and their lower- based emotions have taken over; trying to seep into me. I soberly look around and realize that human beings have forgotten what it means to "treat others the way that you want to be treated." That the Golden Rule no longer applies and people are only out for themselves now...that their hearts have become hollow, rotten and empty.

So I retreat into my garden of Cynne, walking alone in beauty once more to remind me that here in my Cynnefull Gardens the outside world doesn't exist. Here, I can be myself without the mask that I have been forced to wear to hide myself from the evilness that's humanity. Even the seeds that grow from the darkness; absent of light will turn into beautiful flowers and trees. Unlike humans, flora aren't born with a capacity for evil. Flora doesn't treat you differently for the person that you are; but humans do. Ugliness doesn't exist here; anger, jealousy, envy, rage, betrayal, greed... are all memories long forgotten in a world called "reality".

Each seed is it's own world; growing to become it's own universe. Following the cycle of life. Interconnected with everything else around it till it becomes part of the system itself. Doing it's share of balancing/maintaining the Eco-system so that everything is contained; self- sufficient.

Beauty is appreciated and looked upon as a virtue within Cynnefull Gardens; not as something to be destroyed or raped from others...

I pause.

Take a deep breath in; Feeling a wave of positivity as I stare at the moss covered tree bark. Smelling the sweet fragrances that the garden gives off. Exhaling out all of the negativity, fears, insecurities that life is trying to throw my way.

Relaxing and preparing myself for the re-emergence of myself back into reality. Where the people are less then positive; demanding that you turn cold and fail to make them feel just a little bit better about themselves. Chipping away at the goodness within you like the elements eroding the earth...

Ferns of Cynnefull Gardens... All Versions

After flipping through all of my photograhpy pictures that I took I found this wonderfull image of ferns on a side of a hill. Couple of picutes later I stumbled on the purple flowers and decided to add them as well. I didn't know which direction that "flowered fern" (as it is saved into my hard drive) was going to take.

Ferns of Cynnefull Garden
© Purely Cynnefull Designs

I ran out of time and saved it just like this so that I could come back and work on it at a later opportunity.

Ferns of Cynnefull Gardens 2
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

This next version has more of the inital fern covered but it adds depth to the picutre. As much as I liked this version, I knew that it was missing something...

Ferns of Cynnefull Gardens 3 ©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Spiderwebs and some female fairies was just what was needed to make this artwork whole!

Intertwined Connections

Intertwined Connections

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Intertwined Connections concept was to show that everything in this picture is connected by some sort of path.

Golden Enchantment

Golden Enchantment

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Not quite sure what to wirte about this creation...Golden Enchantment is one of those pictures that didn't have a theme or a concept to go with it. It simply is.

Fire

Fire

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Felt like designing a creation that has fire... many different types with color.

Eye Plural

Eye Plural

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

If eyes are the windows to your soul then this creation is filled with only half souls. I didn't want both eyes; just one eye represented by many eyes giving to the name Eye Plural. This is just a really cool picture to stare at.

Dragonesque

Dragonesque

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

I am a huge fan of all of the mythical animals, but I wanted to do a design that featured dragons. Lots of Dragons.

Angels

Angels

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Wanted to make something heavenly; no more, no less. Angels with one white dove.

Forestry Protectors

Forestry Protectors
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

I imagined walking in an ancient forest and seeing the forest's protectors emerge with every step. The great dragon, the nymphs, the trees themselves, the elvens, and thought that image was going to be my next project.

The Village

The village isn’t something that you can put into words;
It needs to be experienced for yourself.
The village and its elders are there to lend you a hand when you need it;
Openly teaching you all of the instruction that your brain can handle
There are no secrets within the village;
We are one tight knit family;
Taking the time to celebrate birthdays, and tests with feasts
The village takes care of one another;
Offering hugs and words of wisdom
Being there for you in a way that few people rarely are
We work hard at the village;
Balancing our strict work ethic with laughter and joy…
The village is a safe place where I feel unafraid;
Sharing bonds that no outsider could identify with,
Everyone including our Sifu has gone through what I am going through.
The elders have gone to hell and come out better than before;
They have come out warriors;
Knowing on an intensely personal level what I have to endure
The village is many working together to help individually;
A support system that encourages you to never give up
Training you to become more efficient within your kung-fu journey
The village helps one another;
But one has to help themselves by putting in the effort;
Giving you the tools and making you sharpen them in class;
Becoming more comfortable using your tools on your own time…
The village has become my family;
My safe haven from all of my inner demons;
My therapist that finally lets me hit the punching bags
The village isn’t just a kung-fu studio with people who take classes;
We are a team that work together to create a common bond;
To be better village fighters;
Hoping that one day with hard work,
Effort, dedication, and sacrifice
That I may one day be a village elder
Earning the mutual respect of my village elite.

Kung-fu Journey

I look at myself and do not believe what I have become;
Everyday becoming stronger inside and out.
All of the sacrifices that I have made;
The many, many bruises, blisters, and knock downs.
The sweat beading off of my skin;
The constant reminders to remember to breathe.
Or else my body will begin to black out.
To remember to sink, shift and plant;
Paying close attention to inhaling as I chamber.
Training my entire being to use my circles…

Day in, day out
Going over technique after technique
Continuing even when you sleep;
Altering the way that I perceive life
Learning to pay attention to all of the fine details
Constantly trying to figure out how to be one with the movements
Digging deep from within to bring out my inner warrior

Pushing myself farther down the rabbit hole that Is kung-fu
Blending mind, body and soul into one
Sucking up all of the pain, agony and frustration
That my village brother and sisters give me (given to me by my village brothers and sisters)
Taking it all with a smile because I know that the Village is helping me;
Aware that with each new soreness, a goal was achieved;
Making me one step closer to my next sash…

Thinking about all that I have learned
That I have accomplished in this martial arts system
Understanding that it is me who is doing this;
Putting the hard effort into being better than I was yesterday
Knowing that this is part of a bigger plan for me;
Showing my dedication, Determination, perseverance
Never giving up when it got harder…

I have transformed into a person that can take a punch
Who can deliver an effective strike
Someone who doesn’t complain about the pain
Wearing it as a badge of honor
A sign of my courage.
That I am a fighter;
On the inside and now flowing to my outer layers
Going from being hesitant to anticipating
Having more confidence within myself
Preparing myself for the journey that I still have to travel…

©2009 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Nature's Commune... Both Versions

Newest Purely Cynnefull Design:

Nature's Commune
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

After much consideration I decided to add more to the original version of Nature's Commune and came up with this as the finished product:

Nature's Commune 1.3
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

I actually used a picture that I took myself as the foundation background for Nature's Commune... something that is new for me... then I just added the pictures and intertwined them to get this effect. I'll probably come up with a different name for the creation; I want to use it for Cynnefull Gardens. simple conecpt: use fairies, nateure and flowers to create it. For some reason I am really into spiderwebs and like the overall effect that they give off.

Sylvia's Serennement

Sylvia's Serennement
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

This picture was used a myspace background as well. Sylvia liked the blueness of the picture and wondered if I would be willing to add more fairies and girly stuff to it for her. I did. Since she is born under the sign of cancer, this picture called to her soul. To make sure that myspace didn't delete it I had to cover up the breasts of the angel within the moon. Serrenne is just what the title means: serene. The clamness of the blues and how relaxing they can be was the main inspiriation to Serrennement; the original piece of art.

Dark Lilly's Hunger

Dark Lilly's Hunger
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

My friend Lilly saw my picture of Hunger and she asked to use it in her myspace page. I found some flame lettering to write, "The darkest Lilly of them all..." to go with her screen name. She was so excited that she let me write her "about me" section. In case you were wondering what it says but hate dealing with myspace to see it:

It seems that no matter what I have it is always raped from me due to love's dark side: jealousy, envy and trust issues. Since I was abandoned by the ones who said that they cared about me, I have turned my back on them and on the things that I have held dear up until now. My heart has grown dark cold like black ice. My body has turned to steel with layers and layers of armor. My birthright made me a late spring now life has made me into a dark cold winter. Like the vampire I am the walking living dead that isn't welcome in the light of day. I have retreated into the darkness and to the protection that the mother moon gives me. For she is my safety; the only one that truly understands what my heart hides deep within it... The darkness that is within me keeps growing every day. I try not to let it show through but it is seeping through my skin like cancer.I hold my breath waiting for the moment to reveal that which I keep secret. Waiting in the mere hope that The Creator will answer the heartfelt pleas that I have silently kept at bay for all my life. I have no happy thoughts, just fleeting thoughts of things that will never come to be...No happy or ever pleasant things to recall in my time of need...now I am shattered and beyond repair playing dead so that I do not have to live. My whole entire being screams out loud without words for the strength to put me back together again. I've done all that I can to keep all of the rage bottled up but there is no more room left for it to hide. The rage that has been my confidante has finally begun to have its way within me. What was never light has lost its self in the darkest abyss of my psyche where all of my horrors reside... The transformation has already begun. What was the old Lilly is no more; all that remains is the beauty forged out of the night. Blessed by darkness I have become the darkest Lilly of them all...

-©Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Emotional Ocean

Emotional Ocean
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Formerly known as Water, Emotional Ocean is a rare picture based off of one of my poems called Breakdown. Even though my emotional ocean is in a bubble; doesn't mean that when you are going through the struggles of breaking down you see the bubble and that concept was what I wanted to play with in the artwork. Putting the poem aside, this is a picture depicting a person reaching out for help in the middle of the ocean and gets struck by lightning. Or is it Divine intervention lifting her out of the water that is her own personal hell? Observing all of this is a blue fairy; looking at all of her pain that she has put into her emotional waters. Combined with Breakdown it makes for a pretty powerful imagery. Sometimes life isn't beautiful. You slowly find yourself sinking, then swimming, practicing the survival stroke; repeating till you can't anymore. that is what Emotional Ocean is about. With this background inormation about this creation, understanding it makes more sense.

Cynnefull Gardens

Cynnefull Gardens
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Cynnefull Gardens is actually a piece of artwork called Viberance that was made waaay before I cam up with the concept of Cynnefull Gardens. The background is green satin and the picture is built upon it giving the illusion of smoke. I used many repeating images to achieve a sense of cohesiveness within the picture's elements. Incorporating the soft edging around the whole picture further adds to the idea of mist that hides the dropoff of the stream.

Hunger

Hunger
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Hunger was my very first Purely Cynnefull Design made to showcase my poem: Hunger. (the link takes you to the poem hunger in case you have not read it!)This is what the finished product looked like:

-Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Hunger: Completed
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

You'll notice that I didn't put my name on it or property of: ASHLEE LINDSAY. That's because I have never let anyone actually see this rendition of hunger with the poem on top. Eventually I will do this with all of my poems that I write (including my name on the bottom); but I enjoy the freedom of just creating the picture too much for my own good. I work best without structure and survive on pure intiutiveness of my knack for imagery. The poem pretty much sums this picture up... read hunger to get the concept.

Garden's Secret

Garden's Secret
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

One of the newer pieces of art I created this year, Garden's Secret has no background. There is no centralized picture that is layered upon. Just different types of flowers together. This was specifically designed for my blog conception of what one facet of Cynnefull Gardens might look like.

Earth Mother

Earth Mother
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

I intuitively knew that I wanted to design this artwork with a central color theme of blues... beyond that I had no idea. I just knew it would turn out well. Then inspiration hit: why not add trees!?! Which gave me the idea of intertwining the personifaction of the mother figure, earth, blue tones, nature/nurture, garden tending with the planet as the seed being planted and viola Earth Mother came to be!

Emerald Green Jungle

Treading through the emerald green jungle
I hear life calling to me from all directions.
Which way shall I go?
Which path should I take?
No clues to help me.
Merely relying on my intuition,
Hoping that it will guide me to my calling.
Stepping one foot in front of the other
Clearing debris and branches out of my way
Feeling like I am barely denting the jungle that is myself
Going nowhere on this expedition of life experience.
I look up to the sun
With a smile on my face
To renew my energy for the long trek ahead
I hear life calling me from all directions
Treading through this emerald green jungle
That is my life...

Copyright ©2009 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Haunting Memories of Yesteryear

I thought I saw you out of the corner of my eye.
Smiling your usual half smirk at me.
Letting me know that everything is okay.
For a moment my heart burst into tears
Of happiness and joy...
Feeling a sudden warmth of my skin
Like the sun kissing it for the first time...
My eyes glistened trying to hold back the tears
Asking myself, "Was that really you?"
My head turned completely,
Hoping that my eyes weren't deceiving me.
You weren't there.
My heart sunk into sadness once more.
You've been gone for over 2 painful years now
Since that drunk driver ran you over...
Yet I felt you were just here in this room with me.
Smiling your usual smirk at me.
Letting me know that everything is okay...

Copyright ©2009 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Wiccan

Wiccan
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

If you have read my about me profile you will know that I am a spiritual being; I do not have a religion. The closest would be wiccan or native american beliefs. I believe that there is a GOD, or a creator; but I know that HIS presence (energy, vibrations, etc.) can be felt everywhere and in everything. I don't need to go to church to feel that... that's my biggest pet peeve. Anyways, I digress. Wiccan was my 2nd creation; Hunger was the first. Going into this picture I needed to find images that were from the mother; from nature and anything feminine. Then came the idea of adding grass patches on top of the soil instead of the brown earth that was staring me in the face. The moon is covered with candles, music lines and roses to symbolyze a natural wiccan ritual. The red river in the middle of the picture represents the menstration cycle that helps increase the potentcy of the magic within this particular ritual concept. The pentagram is shown on the altar saying "protected" underneath it so that no harm can be done.

Feminine Mystique

Feminine Mystique
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Also known as Guardian Mystique, Feminine Mystique ties in conceptually with the 2 women of the Garden of Eden: Eve and Lillith and the evolution of women's hearts ever since. This picture portrays the 2 women in their respective "personality roles" showing the love lost, and the love scorned all in the same picture. Women are ruled by emotions; sometimes the lower based ones (Lillith) that turn women cold, numb and creul. Experiancing the pleasure and the pain within their heart till they become one and the same. Eve's happy disposition is represented by the gigantic women on each side of the forest walking through the oceans' abyss. Fate is also present within this picture for obvious reasons: weaving a web to inter connect everything to see which side of a woman they will choose. By having the forest (my representation of the garden of eden) descend into the sea, I was able to re-create and re-inforce the bond between a woman's heart (eden) and the depths of the emotions within them (bottomless ocean). Lots of symbolism in this creation.

Universal Spiritualness

Universal Spiritualness
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Universal Spiritualness was my opportunity to use the combination of my favorite colors: greens, blues, and purples to create a design. I didn't use that many layers for this one... I went with less is more theme of spiritualness. Beautifully blending my favorite colors as I had wanted to!

Magenta

Magenta
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

What can I say? I like shades of pink including purple... but it usually isn't my style to have these colors be the only colors used for the majority of the design. Magenta is one of those creations where I said, "what the hell, do it anyways." Not the type of mentality I normally take when creating my art. I used a butterfly theme with the images of fairies with butterfly wings, butterflys and flowers. This creation pretty mcuh took care of itself because the images work together so nicely. Magenta is off- centered and unporportional dileberately. The left side has less room but has more fitted into it; sharing the space without a care in the world. The right side has more room and less in it; the images are spread out and on their own. Fighting for room to be seen with an apprehension of fear.

Fairies of Cynefull Gardens

Cynnefull Garden Fairies
©Purely Cynnefull Gardens

Originally called "Fairyland", Cynnefull Garden Fairies was first and foremost created to be a Myspace background. Alisha asked me to create a background using fairies and the colors of baby pink and baby blue. The picture background of Cynnefull Garden Fairies was to be blurry on purpose; so the eyes focused more on the fairies then anything else. The blurriness adds to the mystique of fairies...so I left it alone. In my head I kept picturing them being surrounded by water so I added waterfalls, mist and images that had both fairies and water. I renamed it Cynnefull Garden Fairies so that it would be considered part of the Concept of Cynnefull Gardens; once more adding depth into what I create.

Dragonesque

Dragonesque
©Purely Cynnefull Designs

I am a huge fan of mythical animals; So I wanted to do an homage to Dragons. Dragonesque was my opportunity. There's not much to this picture since the main theme is dragons... but as I said I would write descriptions for each one.

2 Worlds: Ocean Dreams

2 Worlds: Ocean Dreams

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Previously known as 2 worlds on this blog; I changed it when I realized that it was the wrong name for the picture! Then I thought about it and decided to name it both- 2 Worlds: Ocean Dreams ! This was a challenge for me. Partly because I didn't know how I was going to incorporate all of the images that I wanted to use. On the bottom of the picture I wanted it to be different than just the boring old blue that was on top of it so I chose shades of orange. The center of Ocean dreams looks like a normal ocean with blue waves except there are 2 fairies perched on top of the ocean. Not on the mountains/ cliffs like most people thought they should be; I needed the cliffs for the girls gazing up at the sky and seeing the whales. A huge waterfall enshrouds the full moon threatening to cover the only light within the picture; showing the soft outter glow of the bigger moon that I blended into the picture as well...

Golden Sunrise

Golden Sunrise

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

In this creation, my goal was to have a balance of dark and light images blend together to give off the feeling of a golden sunrise; paying particular attention to the way that I layered the images. The images on the right are mixed with light and dark; with the lighter picts covering up the sunlight as if made from them. I like the contrast of blue and orange with the 25% black for the background to further inhance this imagery that I was trying to get across.

Breakdown

Emotional Ocean

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

Breakdown

Happiness and smiles are all that you’ll see from me
Cause that’s all I want you to see
There’s not enough time to be sad angry or upset
When everyone expects you to be happy 24/7
I lock these feelings away deep inside of me
A place that call my emotional sphere
Where my emotional ocean is
Every time these feelings appear
They go to the ocean
Where it is calm and relaxing
But it’s always calm before the storm
Too many emotions
not enough time to sort them out
not enough time to deal and cope
my waters were clear
but now they are dark
filling up with hatred and resentment
sadness and insecurity
my sea is becoming unstable
not able to handle what I need it to do to stay sane
the waves are lashing out at the sphere
trying to puncture it and be free
the emotions are churning
rippling and plotting against me
they want release
they want out so I have to face them
stop ignoring them
to let them be free
moment by moment my ocean gets darker
facilitating the storm that will surely come
coldness has started to become an unbearable friend
helping to add more negativity to my emotions
the ocean has no bottom
it just goes on forever
waves are getting bigger
they are pulling the sphere into all directions
thunder has made it’s way into the struggle
bringing along it’s cohort lighting
I don’t know how long my sphere can take much more of this
But it has to endure so I can stay in control
So no one knows that something’s wrong
The abyss is pulling my emotions further into despair
I can feel the storm is near
It’s coming
I see it off of the horizon
I’m dangerously close to a nervous breakdown
The void that I tried so hard to avoid
This can’t be happening
Not this not now
The world of chaos is right in front of my face
Like the devil calling me to join
I can’t stay afloat any more
My arms are too sore to keep treading through these emotions
They are swelling
Dragging me under with them
Making me feel what I have done to them
I can’t breathe
My body’s struggling to fight to stay alive
My head is spinning
The noise is deafening my ears
Everything around me is slowly turning black
The water is making me numb
I’ve come to the point of no return
My spirit is defeated
No will at all
The emotions have taken over
Logic and reason are forever lost
All is black now
All sanity is lost
Depression has set in


© 2008 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Hunger

Hunger

©Purely Cynnefull Designs

The hunger wants, feels, and needs so I enjoy the ride.
It's something that I can't deny
The hunger consumes my every being,
Urging me to go with the feeling.
The hunger expands, growing everyday.
Always striking me in the same way.
This feeling makes my blood boil hot,
Trying to change me into something that I'm not.
It warms my body,
Just like something that's naughty.
This thing ignites an almost hidden desire,
Driving it with an uncontrollable fire.
The hunger craves my curiosity,
With an urgent feriousity.
My soul cries out with all its heart,
As the hunger slowly tears it apart.
The sweet pain courses through my veins,
Like someone pulling tight on the reins.
This hunger is not something I want right now,
It frightens me, but I don't know how.
I want to understand the gift it has for me,
In all of its seductive ecstasy.
I'd like to know what it needs,
So I can perform its nasty deeds.
It’s meaning is unknown,
But something I should have known.
Everyone has the hunger, they just don't it yet.
When you see the signs, it has already been set.
In the end, you'll lose and won't win,
Because after it sucks you in,
It only becomes delectable sin.

© 2008 Ashlee Elizabeth Lindsay

Cynnefull Gardens... Welcomes you

Come, walk with me in my Garden of Pure Cynne...™
Don't be shy...
Take a moment to breathe it all in-

The cooling effect of the gentle breeze as it passes through your soul, taking away all of the negativity that you once had. The array of greenery/ plants that are my own; seeds collected over my past, present and future growing to fruition. The morning dew that lovingly drips off the leaves, quenching humming birds thirst. The Sky above engulfing Cynnefull gardens, protecting it from outside influences. The sunshine that faintly warms your skin, as if kissed by the sun herself. Babbling brooks and springs, to relax your fears away. Let the fragrance of flowers intoxicate your senses. Forcing yourself to relax as if you are floating on a cloud... Mother Earth below ensuring growth and evolution of everything contained within her bossom. Nurturing the seeds that you could be planting all around you; within you. Cynnefull gardens is my refuge; my place of solitude, my inner sanctum.

Welcome to my Cynnefull Gardens...

Garden's Secret by: ©Purely Cynnefull Designs™