What I Learned From Cosmo & Drag... Part 1

As a female, should I be learning how to be a woman from Drag Queen? Yes! After much research I have found out that "drag" isn't quite the accurate word for Drag Queens; most prefer Female impersonator because they do more than just dress up as a girl. According to Wikipedia however it is the opposite... so for sake of argument I will call these "women" Drag Queens because everyone is familiar with that name.

I know that I am a beautiful woman... so much so that it reflects out of me; shinning forth from within myself. But I wasn't always like this; as a child I was literally a wall flower. I only spoke when someone asked me a question; extremely shy around others and with myself. I had no idea who Ashlee was or how to express her. She was just inside of me waiting for me to let her out yet I couldn't; I was afraid of her and what she would be capable of. To this day I still do not reveal my full personality for that same reason. The only difference is that I know who I am and how to express myself without being too in your face. Went the direction of more refined than showy; substituting brash abrasiveness, hostility and self assuradeness for grace, elegance, and etiquette, and manners. Not exactly what you would picture a Gemini to act and behave; but I looked liked a Gemini; read books, wrote, and had an affinity for schooling.

It wasn't till I hit high school and made cheer squad that You saw the transformation within me. Most people though that I had low self-esteem issues; including my mother... I just noticed as a little girl in elementary school that if you looked pretty; ascetically pleasing to the eye that you were handed things easier than if you were not pleasing to the eyes. That people gave me handouts! Doing things for me that I could do myself because I was so pretty. It actually bothered me greatly; the injustice of it all and I rebelled against it. In 1993, "Spuermodel" by RuPaul came out and I was fascinated by how well a man could look as a female... the curves of the body; the "tuck" walking in heels. I was blown away and remembered something: Watching an ode to the 80's weekend on VH1 I saw the video "love shack" by the B-52's... that was when I saw Rupaul for the first time and died at how gorgeous she was. Form this point on RuPaul has been an inspiration to me; Her balance of female personas has been something that I have admired since I knew who she was.

Then when I had to "look " the part of a cheerleader I went out and got every single month of Cosmo magazine so that I could understand what the hell I was getting myself into. This was a huge step for me cause in 8th grade I wore baggy jeans and big tops; not letting people see my figure so that they could say that my boobs were huge. (size 32 c) thanks to Cosmo I had learned how to put om make-up, and carry myself as a woman. the result showed up when A teacher even told his football students that "I am the essence of a woman and what a woman should be..." just so that they could give me my football booster award. No one knew a thing about me!

What does this side story have to do with Drag Queens!?! Everything! In order to be a great Drag Queen, you need to know what makes up the essence of a woman; so that the wo/man can become the "Queen." It is not something that we are automatically born with; it has to be learned, adapted and then applied so very well that it becomes second nature to be feminine... even girls have a major challenge to be ultra-feminine. Like the Drag Queens, I had to study the role of acting like royalty; but not being above everyone else. That is a very fine line to walk because the only thing that saves you from bitchy females are your manners... even of you want to get in their face for prejudging you due to their insecurity.

Back then I wish that I was someones Drag Daughter... taken underneath their wings and shown the way of femininity. Being a Tomboy came easier to me than putting on a fufu dress and make-up. It was too time consuming and I had things to do; trees to climb and digging in the mud. Then in 1995 the movie, "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar" came out and Drag would be forever ingrained in my mind. It taught me to celebrate my womanness and be proud of what my mother gave me to shake. that it was alright to be myself... despite what others thought about me. I became more outgoing; hung out with gay men giving them the latest fashion tips that I had found out from Cosmo. Even arguing about the guys we liked! My confidence level was always high but hidden; never wanting to make the jealousy/ resentment/ envy a bigger issue than it already was. High school is tough enough as is- I didn't want to add to it. Unfortunately for me everyone else did. Cheer Mothers were telling their daughters, "why can't you be more like Ashlee..." making comments about my body; my smile, my whole persona. My friends would get reamed by their parents often being compared to me... it was horrible and had to deal with sabotage for most of my high school years...

Thank goodness I survived; did some modeling and learned the true value of applying make-up and the many effects that one can create just to one's own face... let alone someone elses. Took a course on theatre costume and make-up in college and once again reminded myself of the performer that was inside of me that I rarely showed... yet out shined everyone when she came out of her box. I transformed myself into a cheetah; wearing a cheetah print top and sarong; letting my hair naturally curl untamed by my headband... it was so thrilling and yet no one know it was me. The illusion had worked and I thought to myself." this must be how a Drag Queen feels when he gets mistaken for a woman..."


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